By the time I was starting to realize I was actually pregnant, I was well into my second trimester. I wasn’t able to get into the doctor until the middle of September and therefore it wasn’t really hitting home with me that there was a little being growing inside of me. I was still wondering if it was real or not.
By the time my first appointment came around, I was still skeptical. Some of my skepticism disappeared when I was finally able to hear my baby’s heartbeat. It started to sink in that their might actually be a little one inside me. However, I still had my doubts for most of my second trimester.
Usually, when you hear about mom’s hearing their baby’s heartbeat it hits them and finally brings them into the reality that they are carrying a little miracle inside of them. However, with me, although I was happy to hear my baby’s heartbeat, I still was indifferent to what was going on inside of me. My coworkers were all so excited and asked me questions all the time about my little one and I’d give the standard answers: heard the heartbeat, is about this big now, will find out the gender at Thanksgiving. It was all very surreal for me and it just did not effect me like most mom’s.
I had my first sonogram at the beginning of November and was excited to see how my baby was growing and that I would soon be able to know what I was having. However, I felt I wasn’t as excited as I should be. I just was like going along and saying, “Oh that’s cool. Yeah, there’s the head and the heartbeat.” But, I didn’t feel a lot. I was excited to share my sonogram pictures and the news with all my friends and family, but I couldn’t get on board with how truly exciting this was. I was indifferent.
I had a great coworkers and amazing students who were all excited for me and wanted to know updates after every appointment and what I was having. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving though that I was able to let them know what I was having.
Aspie Mama 